Catching Up

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I always have the intent to write here every day so that I can keep track of everything that’s happening and how I’m feeling, but sometimes it’s all just too overwhelming and I don’t know where to start.

As I write this, Iver is now 26 weeks and four days old. He is still growing in the womb and amazingly things are still remaining healthy as far as my wife’s body goes. I went for another ultrasound today (they are scheduled for every Monday) and things are looking good for him. Two weeks ago he was at 717 grams, when they weighed him today, he was 1066 grams (2lbs, 6oz).

Last week, I took a tour of the NICU and saw a baby that was at 900 grams. It gave me a lot of perspective and made me feel more confident that my son is going to make it. My head and my heart are constantly playing this chess match and it’s so painful. On one hand I can’t wait to meet my son and try and give him the best life possible and try my hardest to be a great dad for him, on the other hand I know that the day or the day after he is born will be the day that I have to say goodbye to Robyn. Knowing that sooner or later I will (“hopefully”) be splitting my time between the NICU with my newborn son and having to start grieving all over again and probably much harder… I can’t describe the feeling but it’s very overwhelming.

It is so tough to see her every day. She still looks so beautiful, and for the most part she looks like she’s sleeping. I miss her so much. I’m so proud of her for how strong she is holding up for Iver. I wish so badly that I could talk to her just one more time. I’m trying so hard to stay so strong but when I think about having to live the rest of my life without her, it’s so hard.

I have decided to take a leave from work. I tried going in for a few hours here and there over the past few weeks and hoped that I could use work as a distraction, but I have far too much on my mind and so much preparation to do for the future that I simply can’t focus on working.

I am so thankful for my friends that are always making themselves available for me, as well as my family and her family. I’m so grateful to everyone at the hospital who is helping to make this all possible and recently there have been a few wonderful members of the community who have offered to try and help with some type of funds to help out Iver and I. My work has also been incredibly supportive throughout all this. I don’t know what I would’ve done without all of these people helping me all the time. It is a surreal feeling to feel so lucky because of all the support and also so incredibly unlucky because of what happened to Robyn.

Over the next few days my plans include cementing leave from work details, creating a fund at the bank, beginning to prepare for the eventual funeral that will need to happen, and starting to prepare for what will hopefully be meeting my son sometime in the next 7 1/2 weeks.

For now I will just continue to hope that every day is the same as the next and that I’m able to accomplish the things that I need to accomplish to continue to move forward.

  1. Sarah’s avatar

    My thoughts are with you and your beautiful baby, so sorry for your loss.
    Your in my prayers xxxx

    Reply

  2. Laura’s avatar

    Hi Dylan, I just read your, Robyn and Iver’s story via an Australian newslink and although I’m feeling a little helpless at present, I just had to write something. My husband and I are pretty much the same age as you and Robyn and I’m reminded every day about how fragile life is… how we need to cling on to one another every day as we’ll never know what the next day will bring. Life is a fragile but beautiful gift… and it’s very special to know that in the midst of this sadness, you have Iver to hold on to. I will be praying every day for you guys, for Iver’s continued health, growth and safe entrance to this world and for Robyn to hold on as long as her body can manage. Take care. We’ll be rallying for you and Iver from across the seas… I will be praying until (and beyond) I see a post signifying Iver’s safe arrival!

    Reply

  3. Sophie sami’s avatar

    Dylan, I came across your story today and have been truly touched on how courageous of a person you are. Your strength and love for your wife and son will get you through this. My prayers & thoughts are with you. Peace, love & blessings to you!!’

    Reply

  4. Lisa in Edmonton’s avatar

    Dylan- your story has captured the hearts and attention of so many people. While it can never take away the pain of your circumstances, please know that you have many of us thinking and praying for you, Robyn and your miracle son Iver. I am so thankful you will have some financial support through this fund – you will have enough to handle in the months ahead. ALl the best, and I hope you continue to update this blog from time to time with perhaps some pictures in time of your little guy. We all feel in some strange way like we know you, and would love to peek in on you from time to time. As a mom myself, I know that Robyn would be so very proud of you and the strength you are showing. Iver will be well loved and taken care of. He has an amazing daddy. Stay strong… in just a few weeks, you will hold the reward for your troubles in your arms and he will always know his mom and what she did for him.

    Reply

  5. Kiran’s avatar

    Heartfelt …..I pray God to give you all the strength and Courage -and you take care of your little one; once he is out. Wish you Good Luck!!
    It proves you such a Kind Hearted & Courageous Man!!
    PEACE BRO!!

    Reply

  6. mahendra’s avatar

    Keep up your hopes. You are a brave man. We will pray to god for your family. Very very sorry!

    Reply

  7. mahendra’s avatar

    keep up your hopes. You are a brave man. I have nothing to say but tears. It is heartbreaking. Very very sorry!

    Reply

  8. Brian from Australia’s avatar

    Stay strong Dylan your story touches my heart like it does many others i am sure I am the father of two boys under three and I cant imagine life without their mother. in years to come I hope your son will understand what a fantastic father he has., i wish you all the very best for your pending fatherhood and may the loss of your wife be a small hole compared to the joy of life “Iver”
    love and wishes from down under mate!!!

    Reply

  9. Richa Ritwika’s avatar

    I hope your child makes it alive into this world. It really is a sad story which I came across on your blog.

    Reply

  10. kerry’s avatar

    hi dylan my name is kerry my heart and love goes out to you and to your wife and to your unborn baby you need to be strong the lord is here to help you and if theres anything i can do to help you i will

    Reply

  11. Roxanne Roberge’s avatar

    Hello Dylan and Robyn,
    I just read your heart…not sure which way to say it so ill go with heartbreaking story. Im from Alberta, Canada and have 3 children of my own (their dads have all walked away years ago). You have unimaginable strength and courage and know that u and Iver will have a phenomenal Guardian Angel watching over u.
    I dont know how God could put anybody in your situation but I dont wanna bring any1 down with my words. Both you and Iver have a Great Purpose in life (and I am by no means saying that your dear wife did not have that same purpose)
    Everyone who reads of u can see just how strong and determined of a partner and parent you r and will be.
    If I can round up some fnancial support for your family I will gladly do so as I know it can b a very costly, both $$ wise and emotional. I suppose it seems like i am just blabbing on an on but i just wanted u to know that me, my kids and entire family and friends are praying for u and your family.
    Dylan, please remember to take the time to allow yourself to grieve your loss. Also dont for one second feel guilty for being extraordinarily happy when u look at your new son. All of your feelings and emotions have a valid place in what u r going thru.Sometimes it is eeasier to talk to somebody that u dont know and that doesn’t know u so if u ever wanna chat or just vent, please feel free to email me or facebook or whatever works. Best of wishes and luck and strength

    Reply

  12. Tracey’s avatar

    Hi Dylan, as a mom of now-four-year-old twins who were born at 874 and 936 grams and 26 weeks, I can assure you how great the care is at the Vic General NICU. Sending positive thoughts and prayers for continued strength for all of you.

    Reply

  13. Nancy’s avatar

    Hi Dylan,
    My heart goes out to you and your family. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your wife, and your son. I make and embroider some baby things and would like to sent you some for your new son, including a baby quilt. Please email me when you get a chance and let me know where to mail them to. If there is anything I can do for you, please email me and let me know. A grandma of 18 and great-grandma of 4.

    Reply

  14. Marica’s avatar

    I just read your story (in French news).
    So sad … Be strong and you’ll be for sure…
    All my thoughts are with you…

    Reply

  15. bea’s avatar

    Your wife would be so proud of you, you’re goona be a fantastic father.

    Reply

  16. Kathy Porpaczy’s avatar

    Hi Dylan.

    Marc and I have been thinking of you, Robyn and Baby Iver ever since we found out what was going on. You are in our thoughts and Prayers every day and if we can be of any help please let us know.

    Reply

  17. patricia’s avatar

    Hi Dylan, i hope you are feeling better you are very strong and you are going to have a
    Very good life, you are going to pass this and everything will be ok.
    You deserve the best for you. I wish you the best.
    Hugs from Spain

    Reply

  18. Isabelle’s avatar

    Votre histoire est vraiment touchante. Je vous souhaite vraiment beaucoup de courage. Et aussi beaucoup de bonheur avec votre petit garçon.
    C’est très émouvant de vous lire. Je ne peux pas imaginer non plus ce que vous êtes en train de vivre.
    Vous êtes un homme très courageux.
    Ysa

    Reply

  19. Lucy’s avatar

    Dear Dylan,

    My family and I send you all our strenth from Barcelona, Spain. No doubt it is going to be terrible saying your final good bye go your wife, but you need to focus on Iver.

    I am sure he will be fine, our daughter was born at 26 weeks and 6 days with just 770 grams, and She is now a happy girl nearly four years old. Babies can be very strong, and no doubt Iver will be so, just like his Mummy.

    Your story is very touching and we just felt we had to write to you. Lots of love and be strong.

    Reply

  20. Judit’s avatar

    Reading your story from Girona, Catalonia, Spain. It’s really overwhelming, both sad and hopeful time. You’ll need a lot of strength, because you expect tough days, not only for the death of your wife, but because you’ll have to do both father and mother to your son. From Spain I send all my support. I hope you can overcome this difficult time and to enjoy much of your son.

    Reply

  21. Vinicius’s avatar

    Hi Dylan,

    You are a very strong person and a true hero for caring so much about Iver’s life. I’m sure Robyn is very proud of you as a dad.

    Please keep strong and thank you for showing the world the true power of dad’s love.

    Vinicius
    From Brazil

    Reply

  22. Patricia’s avatar

    Hi Dylan.
    I’m writting from Spain. Your situation is so hard and anyone would want for himself. But you have to be strong for your son and for you, and think all the time that Robyn will always look after of you from the heaven.

    I hope that everything goes well.

    Lot of hugs xxx

    Reply

  23. Liz’s avatar

    My thoughts and prayers are with your family and I feel certain that your son will make it and something wonderful will come from this horrendous tragedy. In the meantime hopefully you can receive compassionate care leave through emplyment insurance as you care for you wife and then parental leave for 35 weeks as you care for your precious son. Best wishes.

    Reply

  24. JANETH’s avatar

    ARE YOU A WONDERFUL MAN CONGRATULATE YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE AND PERFORMING THE FIGHT FROM ECUADOR WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOUR CHILD.
    GREETINGS JANETH

    Reply

  25. Anonymous’s avatar

    ARE YOU A WONDERFUL MAN CONGRATULATE YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE AND PERFORMING THE FIGHT FROM ECUADOR WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOUR CHILD.
    GREETINGS JANETH

    Reply

  26. Carly’s avatar

    I am so sorry i have been following your story and id love to send some items down from a smoke free pet free home that my son does not use anymore. Im trying to hunt down for an address to send these items too.If anyone can help me, preferrably dylan so i know its a true address, please do so! You need all the help u can get and id rather pass down my items to you then anyone else. Again my heart is breaking for u but its amazing how strong u are! Thankyou!

    Reply

  27. Erin Schryer’s avatar

    Prayers and positive vibes are being sent your way from New Brunswick, Canada.

    Reply

  28. Susanne’s avatar

    Saw your story through facebook and just wanted to let you know we are praying for you and your family, Dylan.

    Reply

  29. Deidre’s avatar

    You are such a strong man and your son is blessed to have a father like you, as you are blessed to have him. Your wife is strong as well, as she holds on to give your son the gift of life. The love that unites you and Iver is already so, so powerful. xo

    Reply

  30. FROM FRANCE’s avatar

    Bonjour Dylan,

    ton histoire m a beaucoup touchée, étant moi même enceinte
    je voulais juste te souhaiter du courage
    Que le bon dieu vous protège tous les 3,
    toutes mes pensées et mes prières vont vers toi et votre famille
    que le bon dieu soit votre soutien et apaise votre coeur afin que vous soyez un papa merveilleux pour IVER

    Hello Dylan,

    your story really touched me, being pregnant myself
    I just wanted to wish you courage
    May the good God protect you all 3
    all my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
    the good god is your support and soothe your heart so that you are a wonderful dad for IVER

    Reply

  31. Sachin’s avatar

    Reading your blog from India.
    You are a strong person. may you be at peace.

    Sachin

    Reply

  32. Peter Melo’s avatar

    Hello, my name is Peter and i own a stone masonry business just outside Toronto. I’d like to donate a custom tombstone to the Benson family. Your story is very touching and i would like to take one less cost away.

    My office # is 905-939-8491 or you can email me anytime.

    God bless you and your family.

    pmelo@allstonequarry.com

    Reply

  33. Lilliam’s avatar

    Hey dylan,

    Nobody know better than you how it feel. I just can say that you will a great parent, now a days, just a few people would be as brave as you are right now and my respect and admiration to you, because you decided to give him a life and be there for him. God will give you the strength you need, just believe and pray everyday.

    My best wishes and blessings for your family and congratulations for your baby, don’t worry he will be fine. Everything happens for a reason, im sure he will be an important person in this world.

    Reply

  34. Alicia’s avatar

    Hi friend! I´m reading you from Spain. I´m pregnant, 32 weeks, it´s a boy.
    I´m praying four you and your family. Good luck Dylan

    Reply

  35. Issy N Adam’s avatar

    Dear Dylan,
    I have just read your story,may you find strengh in the darkest hours of your life for life can be so bittersweet and cruel at times,may your child bring you happiness at such sad time,lots of light from Australia

    Reply

  36. Zelda’s avatar

    Hi Dylan,

    Reading your story in South Africa, Just know that you are not alone in all that you are going through. Our prayers are with you all.

    Regards and take lots of hugs
    Zelda

    Reply

  37. Isabelle’s avatar

    You can do it. I raise my two kids as a single mother, you can do it, you’ll do it well. Be strong.

    Reply

  38. Kristólina G. Jónsdóttir’s avatar

    Dear friend.
    I came across your site and have been observing with you.
    You are a very strong person that can give you this kind of information on the status of your wellbeing and progress with little unborn shows.
    God bless you all, and hope that everything works very well here.
    Look forward to continuing to get to track you between father and son about things to come.
    Greetings from Hafnarfjordur Iceland
    Kristólína

    Kæri vinur .
    Ég rakst á síðuna þína og er búin að vera að fylgjast með ykkur.
    Þú ert mjög sterkur einstaklingur að geta gefið frá þér svona upplýsingar um stöðuna með líðan þína og hvernig gengur hjá litla ófædda syni þínum.
    Guð blessi ykkur öll, og með von um að allt gangi mjög vel áfram.
    Hlakka til að halda áfram að fá að fylgjast með ykkur feðgum um ókomin tíma.
    Kveðja frá Hafnarfirði Íslandi

    Reply

  39. GEOCE’s avatar

    I wish you well, you are a very brave person.

    Reply

  40. Ana’s avatar

    Your wife must be so proud of you. For being strong in such difficult situation. You are going to be the best father ever:) Hugs from Spain.

    Reply

  41. Vijeta’s avatar

    Dear Dylan,

    My prayers are with you, your wife and son. I too, pray for her soul. She is such a strong mother! She will remain the rock of your and Iver’s life forever.

    Love,
    Vijeta

    Reply

  42. Brandi Jodoin’s avatar

    Dear Dylan. We are so sorry for you loss of your wife. And so proud of you for advocating for your son. We are praying for you and Iver and for all of your family. take care and God Bless

    Reply

  43. Juanita’s avatar

    I thought this wonderful organization might help: http://thelizlogelinfoundation.org
    Matt is an amazing man, and father.
    Sending much, much love, and prayers.

    Reply

  44. Jen’s avatar

    I cried when I read about the taxi driver and how he just wanted to make things a bit easier for you. I too believe your wife is trying to make things easier for your son and you by doing what mom’s do best and care for her child even when she can’t care for herself. What an amazing woman, mother and hero to continue in the most uncomfortable situation for what is best for her son. I will forward your story to my friends and family and pray for the best possible outcome from this very unfortunate life story. Be strong. Jen

    Reply

  45. Megan’s avatar

    Reading your story from St. Louis, Missouri. Know that my husband and I are continuously praying for you. Peace, love and blessings to you and perfect health for Iver.

    Reply

  46. Dan Pontefract’s avatar

    Hey Dylan,

    The situation you, your wife and your son currently face is unimaginable, heart wrenching and sobering.

    I don’t think there is anyone on the planet who isn’t in your corner, pulling for you … rooting for Iver.

    To take the time to share your emotions and the succinct details of the unfolding scenario is both brave and touching.

    If there is anything any of us can do — another plate of lasagna perhaps — please let us know.

    We’re here to help.

    cheers
    dp

    Reply

  47. Robin H.’s avatar

    Hello there, I’m very sorry about your situation and would also like to congratulate you still on your strong little boy. I would very much like to help you out if you’re willing. I can’t donate any funds unfortunately BUT what I can do is offer your son breast milk to help him get a little jump start. My daughter is 1.5 years old now, so she isn’t needing the milk much but your little boy will need it more. She likes to share and I’m sure she’ll be happy to give up most of our freezer stockpile which is fairly substantial. Please email me either way, even if it’s for another parent’s ear to listen.

    Take care. <3
    ~Robin

    Reply

  48. Elizabeth’s avatar

    I found your story on Life Site News. My heart goes out to you in your sorrow, but I strongly hope that you are able to hold
    a healthy baby in good time. Forgive me if this is a bit presumptuous, but never doubt that you are doing the right thing. Your son is blessed beyond measure to have a father who cares enough for him to give him every chance possible.

    Reply

  49. Heather’s avatar

    Dylan, you are so strong. My husband was born via c-section after his mother was brain dead for over 60 days. That was in 1983. My husband is a miracle, and he means the world to me. You are going to be a great Dad. If you have any questions, feel free to contact us. I hope and pray all is well.

    Reply

  50. Sarah in Ohio’s avatar

    Hearing of your story (while tragic) has made me feel so much better. It broke my heart to read about that heartless monster in Texas taking his wife and child off life support just weeks shy of the baby being able to be delivered! I know this must be an incredibly hard time for you, but I’m so glad to hear of someone who is trying to do the right thing even though you are also grieving. Thank you for being an outstanding human being and father. I wish you all the best.

    Reply

  51. Sheena’s avatar

    I just wanted to say that I am praying for you and your family. I read your blog. I am sad. I feel sick. I also feel blown away at how you are being cared for, blessed, provided for and supported as your are walking these steps, a journey you did not plan for. A journey you must be questioning “why me!” Why do things have to go wrong for learning to occur? For love to be evident? For the definition of community to be understood? As a fairly new Christian, I pray that Jesus will lead you where you are meant to be, that you will get through this most painful unimagined journey you never planned or asked for (who would!?), and that your heart will become the softest, most loving heart for your son!

    Reply

  52. Jason’s avatar

    You don’t know me but I saw your story on CBC.ca and wanted to send my best wishes, I had twins spend 2 weeks in NICU in OCT (they were born at 35 weeks) and are now thriving. even that was hard on us, I cant imagine what you are going through.

    Reply

  53. Anonymous’s avatar

    I came about your story on the internet, I am wanting to learn more. I know somewhat what you are going through, my mpm was on a vegitative state and she passed suddlenly. It is very hard to see our loved ones like that. It will be hard to szy your good byes and always have the thought of passing. I hope baby will be happy and healthy when born.
    I am a single mom and yes being a single parent sure has some struggles but it is the most rewarding amazing job ever to watch your baby grow up and learn everything for the first time. I wish I lived closer and I would be happy to come over and help you care for your little one when he comes.
    Best of luck to you and your family.

    Reply

  54. Cherry Rammer’s avatar

    You keep your hopes up man. This story really got to me. I’ll be sure to send your story as much as I can.
    A great number of people will be rooting for you and I’m among them.

    Reply

  55. Tracy’s avatar

    I am so sorry for this. Please google The Matt Logelin Foundation. You will find a guy who has gone through something similar and who created a foundation to help people like you and your son through this.

    And PS – I know of three babies born at 27 weeks who have developed into beautiful, healthy children. We have amazing neonatal care in BC. Best of luck to you.

    Reply

  56. Laura’s avatar

    I came across your story today and I have read your blog entries. My heart goes out to you, your family, your wife’s family, and your son. There are no words to describe what you are going through, but I commend you for your strength of heart and soul. Someday, when your son is grown, he will be able to look back and know how loved he truly is, both through your wife’s ability to continue to nurture him through the most unbelievable circumstance, and your ability to stand by her side. God Bless.

    Reply

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